All's Well That Ends Finally
by Anise
Summary: A silly drabble about the unfortunate yet inevitable happenings after Harry and Ginny got married. Anyone expecting intricate plotting or vast character development will be disappointed, but leather pants and geisha outfits are involved, however tangentially. Flames will be used to roast marshmallows.


A/N: So I'm deep into the Ginormous Anise Revision and Reposting Project of Doom ™, and I'm starting to look at which of the one-shots from FIA I want to post. This one was written several years ago, but I still like it. Silly, hastily thrown together, and remarkably mean-spirited when it comes to Harry, but it does involve Ginny in fishnets.

+++

(Harry sits at the breakfast table, apathetically stirring his coffee. The intervening years between now and Hogwarts have not been kind to him. Since James Potter died so young, Harry never learned that the Potter men experience complete and sudden hair loss on their twenty-fifth birthdays.

Ginny comes into the room, wearing a black spandex minidress, fishnet stockings, and six-inch heels. Harry blinks at her.)

Harry: You look... uh... different.

Ginny: No shit, Sherlock.

(Harry blinks again and then shakes his head.)

Harry: Well, anyway, I'm going over to Ron and Hermione's today.

Ginny: (sarcastically) Again? What is that, the thirtieth time this month?

Harry: Well, you know, we have some important things to discuss. You wouldn't understand. You can keep yourself busy, can't you? Don't you have another child to give birth to, or something? We've got six, right?

Ginny: Seven. And all I can say is, thank Merlin for Dexedrine charms. (ushers a line of redheaded children along behind her) Come on, my little sweeties. Time to go.

Harry: Go? Go where?

Ginny: Harry, I'm leaving you.

Harry: What? Is this about the way I gave you steel-belted radial tires last Christmas?

Ginny: Well, it's more that I can't stand your obtuseness, your self-centeredness, your complete lack of emotional availability, and your total lack of interest in my inner life.

Harry: Huh?

Ginny: Thick as a brick to the end, I see.

Harry: (staring at his coffee, horrifed) The... the END? You didn't.. you haven't... you wouldn't...

Ginny: Oh, I did think about poisoning you. Snape gave me a potion, and complete I decided in the end that you're not worth it, although I'm sure I could have got away with it.

Harry: (going capslock) OH NO YOU WOULDN'T! I'M FAMOUS! I'M SPECIAL! I'M THE BOY WHO LIVED! I'M-

Ginny: A moron. You never realized I gave you a love potion in your sixth year, did you?

(Harry slumps back in his chair, emotionally devastated. Since his emotions run the gamut from A to B, this isn't as dramatic a process as you'd think. The door opens. The children run towards it, squealing with glee.)

Children: UNCLE DRACO!

(Draco lounges insouciantly in the doorway.)

Draco: Yes, sweethearts, I'm glad to see you too... Gary... Alice... Wulfrieda... mind the leather pants, please, they mustn't get wrinkled... ready to go, Ginny?

Harry: (staggering to his feet, pointing a shaking finger at Draco) YOU!

Draco: As sharp as ever, I see.

Harry: Ginny doesn't want YOU! She can't!

Draco: Well, actually, Potter, she rather does. I'm stunningly handsome, impeccably dressed, filthy stinking rich, and brilliantly witty. Also, I have all my own hair. (He looks pointedly at Harry's sad attempt at a combover.)

Harry: (nibbling at his napkin in a frenzy) No... no... it can't be...

Draco: Oh, give it up, Potter. You've barely spoken to her in years. You never even noticed the time I flew in the bedroom window and we made mad,passionate love while you were trying to choose between toupees in the bathroom last week, did you?

Harry: What?

Draco: Never mind. Why don't you just start living in a threesome with Weasley and Granger?

Harry: WHAT?

Draco: Oh, come off it, Potter. Everyone's known since Hogwarts. Ginny, my love, don't you have any suitcases?

Ginny: (looks around disdainfully) I don't want anything from this house.

Draco: How very noble of you, my little Gryffindor geisha.

Ginny: Not really. I'm getting half his money in the divorce settlement.

Draco: Ah, I see that I've rubbed off on you after all.

(Ginny would acknowledge the double entendre, but there are an awful lot of children present.)

Ginny: Let's go.

Children: Yay! (trooping out the door.)

Harry: Wait! No! Don't leave, uh... (grabs a random little girl by the hand) What's your name again? (She shakes him off disdainfully.)

Little Girl: Uncle Draco lets me eat all the cotton candy I want, and he says we can each have our own pony!

Harry: NO! Wait- everybody's leaving- you're ignoring me... I need constant ego stroking to exist... (hurriedly tries to change into leather pants) Wait, Malfoy, I just realized that I was gay all along and always had the hots for you! Think of the H/D fanfic out there; we HAVE to live up to it! We were meant to be! Leave Ginny and come with me!

Draco: (looking back one last time) Ewwww. (He puts a protective arm around Ginny, and the door slams.)

Harry: (sobbing on the floor) I must get her back! True, I haven't spoken a complete sentence to her since that breakup at Hogwarts, but now that I see her with someone else, I suddenly want her! It worked before with Dean! Yes... yes... I will get Ginny back, because tomorrow is another day!

(He lifts his tear-stained face as dramatic music plays. Da DA, da da... oops, wrong movie. Anyway, the next morning Harry decides that Draco was actually onto something with the Hermione/Ron threesome idea. They all decide to try group marriage, and everybody is much happier.)


End file.
